Thursday, March 29, 2007

Internet vs. Real Life

Need proof that the Internet differs from real life . . .

On MySpace multiple women are begging me to be their friend so I can see videos of their deliciously naked bodies.

In Real Life this doesn't happen so much. (but if it did, I know I wouldn't mind.)

The Double Dip this weekend!

Whats up kids? I'm doing a double dip this weekend.

Saturday we have Kirkwood Road Race. Think of it as Strasburg part duex. Another rolling course, and this time it is a seven mile loop.

Sunday we have the Pinecone Road Race. Flat as a pancake. I've heard you use 3 different gears. 6 mile loops. That race is 40 miles!! Should be fun.

Neither race is nearly as epic as the Koppenberg.

The goal for both these races is to sit in the pack and finish in the group. I know I'm not setting the bar very high, but I want some training miles at race pace. There is no need to try to go off the front to only be shot out the back a few minutes later.

Tonight we have the most fun someone can have on 2 wheels. The Thursday night Criterium in Great Valley.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Who wants to retire? This guy!!!

How are we all doing? Well, I hope.

Earlier this evening I was discussing with someone that I was worried that I might not be able to retire early. This concern tends to stress me out from time to time. I was attempting to garner some sympathy for my plite. Anyways, after this discussion the person threw a simple question my way . . .

"What do you think you will do first, Grow up or Retire?"

I replied retire. Who wants to grow up? Thats no fun.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Welcome to my Sunday

Welcome to my Sunday, Kids. As a well deserved punishment for my lack of climbing prowess during the Strasburg Road Race, I decided some hill work was in order. So I did a 60 mile route that took me through some of the more serious hills in the western suburbs of philly.

This ride took from me Devon to Downingtown and back through Valley Forge. I got a late start to the day and so the punishment was also handed out from me with love to me. In other words, I was riding solo. Sometime during the ride, I specifically wondered if there was something wrong with me that I felt that such a ride was really necessary. This thought a occured to me at multiple times while going up YellowSprings Road in Great Valley. Lets take a closer look at some of the hill sections.

For the appetizer we have a little climb into Paoli. . . . Nothing too bad

After a few miles we get to Downingtown. I breeze through my old high school parking lot and start to do what used to be a run during my cross country days and proceed to add on a little more just for fun.

There are few hill getting out of D-town and getting over to Lionville, but really worth mentioning. Cause once we get to Great Valley, we have the lovely Yellow Springs road.

Finally I went up Cassat Ave just to get more work done before calling it a day. What amuses me is that a few years ago I used to consider the ride to D-town and back a fairly serious ride. However on Sunday, I added on additional miles to the basic ride from the very beginning but I never felt like I was going long enough. Which is a great feeling, because you start to feel like you can ride forever.

Strasburg Race Report

Whats up yall? Yeah this race report is a few days late . . .

Being in the 2nd round of the Cat. 5 race meant that my start time for Strasburg was 11:49 pm. Jeez, I felt like a cat 1 rider being able to get up at 8 am and not having to worry about rushing out the door to race. I had some coffee, took a shower, read a little and then packed the car and went off to race.

An hour later I'm at the race. I register and put on the work clothes. Thankfully, Sean had a Human Zoom / Pabst Blue Ribbon jersey for me to wear. I set up my bike and do about 30 minutes of warm up on the trainer. This is actually the first time I warmed up on a trainer before a race. Which helped a hell of a lot or so I felt. After warming up I head down to the race start and proceed to stand around for 15 minutes waiting for our race to start. Ah well, so much for the warm up.

We all get in a group at the start finish and we are off! I was suspecting that the first 20 minutes of this race would be very very fast. People trying to show off at their first race of the season. I was prepared for pain! Instead what I got was a pleasent group ride through the Lancaster country side. I'm relaxed. Talking to people. Having a good old time.

The course a 5 mile loop full of rolling power climbs. Some nice decents and no real serious turns. Really nice. I notice that my power climbing just isn't there. I seem to loose a few places in the group during some of the climbs. Nothing serious though, I'm not too concerned.

After 2 laps, the pace has gotten a little more serious. The original field of ~40 is already a meager 20 or so. My legs feel good, but the hills have me concerned. So I start thinking maybe I should try climbing in the small chain ring. (When has thinking ever paid off in my benefit?) Well, I shift down for a climb and I'm dropped like the fat man that I am. I proceed to ride the third lap just off the group unable to catch back up. How frustrating is that feeling? You know you have the fitness you just made a stupid mistake.

I eventually get caught by a few riders that were "working together" after getting dropped. I hop on with them to finish the fourth lap. Of course, they all start playing cat and mouse games. I can understand, but seriously we are going to cat and mouse each other for ~20th place? Who cares? Well aparently I did. The finishing mile is a power climb followed by a swooping downhill into the finish line. After one member of the group lost his chain (poor bastard), I towed the other guy through a false flat to the bottom of this climb. I know that once we get there he is going to try and throw down the hammer. The first one over the hill is the first one to the finish. He goes around me. After letting him suck my wheel for over a mile there is no way I'm giving him 20th. I shift. I get right on his wheel. I don't wait for him to slow down. I just pull right on past him and pedal hard. By the time I'm at the top I don't even see him. I cruise downhill for 22nd place.

So what did I learn . . . .

1) A power climb is just that a power climb. Dont shift down. Suck it up and feel the pain for a few seconds or ride in the back. WAY BACK!!

2) Riding in the front is a lot easier than riding in the back or even the middle. I spent some time near the front but I also spent a good amount of time in the middle and rear. The front was definitely easier and a little more relaxing.

3) I did not reach my goal of just simply finishing with the pack. This was more than acheivable for this race. Minus that stupid mistake.

4) Bring more calories. I ran out of fluids during the 3rd lap. What the hell was I thinking not filling my water bottle less than halfway.

Next weekend ? Pinecone Road Race on Sunday and possibly Kirkwood on Saturday.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Who says you can't go home again?

How you doing kids? The weekend is almost here. Awesome!

Guess what Thursday was the start of? Everybody's favorite business park criterium race. Thats right the Great Valley Criterium race started this week, and there was a decent showing of the regular participants especially for the middle of March.

How did the race go down for this fat man? Well, as usual I get in my 1 lap warm up, because somehow I always get there late. We gather. Some dood shouts instructions . . . "stay on the right" . . . blah blah blah . . . "be courteous to drivers" . . . . blah blah blah . . . ."don't get buck naked in the parking lot". . blah blah blah . . "complaints about peeing in the woods" . . . blah blah blah. And we are off!!!

The pace of the first two laps were moderate, but the third lap is supposed to be the sprint. It was, and by the end of the 4th lap, I am off the back. Doh!!! The penalty for not warming up at all.

I do a lap, and use the small hill in the loop to catch back on. This time I catch on for 5 laps before I'm out the back again. (wash rinse repeat) I do a few laps by myself and then I notice that the group as split in two. Sweetness.

I hop on the "B" group. I have no trouble hanging in this pack. I'm sucking wheel and just have a good ol time for a while. Somehow from following the wheel in front of me, I end up at the front of the "B" group about 10 seconds before the "A" group catches us. I was screwed. The entire "B" group hops on their draft. I didn't react soon enough and I was spent. I'm off the back again. I soft pedal for a few laps and call it a day. I'm race ready for Saturday!!!

So what else did I notice . . . .

1) Did Team Environmental Alliance go semi-pro, cause if they did then Team Iron Hill Brewery sucked up their masters riders. Basically Team Iron Hill Brewery (which also picked up a nice Comcast sponsorship) rode in the front and threw down the entire time. Actually there was an Iron Hill rider on his time trial bike "motor pacing" the entire field in the front!!!

2) I wasn't the worst squirell out there. I used to brake through the turns. (For those that don't know . . . there really aren't any turns. It is as close to an oval as a crit can get.) Maybe all that time on the rollers actually improved my handling and of course a season of cyclo-cross!

3) I missed Rennie and Matties. It just ain't the same when I don't have my friends there to laugh at me.

4) Looking forward to next Thursday all ready. Boohay!!!

Monday, March 19, 2007

The Goose is Good (Top 5 Drinks)

The Goose is very good! Add a little tonic. You've got yourself a Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas yall!!!

All Right here we go kids, I hope you have your ID ready. Cause anyone under twenty-one, this post just ain't for you. Here are my top ten drinks and why I might be drinking them.

5) Light beers. I know this is a category of beer but hear me out. I don't really put different light beers in there own sections. Miller Lite, Coors Light, PBR, Primus are all the same. In that category of light mass produced beers that go down pretty quick, but usually make my stomach feel sick before I would get a good buzz going.
So when do I reach for one of theses fine beers? Really warm summer days or say it is early in the evening but you might be a little ahead of the rest of the crowd. You want to order a drink but want sober up a little. Order one of these bad boys and let the rest of your entourage catch up with you.

4) Vodka and Tonic. There are two kinds of vodka in my life, Sky Vodka and Grey Goose Vodka. Grey Goose is the sponsor of tonights post, so be sure to get your bad ass a goose and tonic when are out. Sky vodka is good but it burns when it goes down.
When do I reach for a vodka tonic? When I want to relax and enjoy the fruits of my labor, or when social problems of the opposite sex creep into my life. A good vodka tonic helps me sort the situation in my mind. I am not picky about my tonic, so long as it has FIZZ. Those six packs of small bottles of tonic are a savior to the single man!

4b) Gin and Tonic. Thats right a gin and tonic is just as handy as Vodka Tonic. Tanqueray is my gin. There is no other gin except for Gordon's Dry Gin. Here a quick tip a fellow gin drinker gave me once. Say you are low on the dough. . . and you don't want to throw money into drinking gin and tonics at home. If you are planning on enjoying more than one gin and tonic, then you might want to splurge on the first gin and tonic and use Tanqueray. However on the second gin and tonic you probably won't notice that you are using Gordon's Dry gin. So save yourself some cash and use that for the rest of the evening. You won't notice until the morning. I promise.
When do I reach for a Gin and Tonic? I guess when I am out of Vodka. or maybe I reach for a Vodka tonic when I am out of Gin. Either way.

3) White Wine. I must say that white wine is my newly discovered buzz. Whenever I'm drinking a white wine, I get a nice healthy buzz with almost no effort. Its great. Pino, Chardonay, Saviogn Blanc, whatever. Fill my glass up, cause I'll put that sucker down. And if you haven't seen the movie Sideways. Go order that up on Netflix.
When do I reach for a white wine? Social occasions with friends? When I want to drink and eat, but I am not in the mood for beer? When the occasion is a little more formal?

2) Premium Beers. Some people will consider this the beer snob section. I love micro-brews. Even medium sized brewers. Luckily the Philadelphia area has some great local brewers. Victory, Yards, Stoudts, and Dogfishhead are all superb beers and close to Philly. Magic Hat is another fine brewer from Vermont. The seasonal beers that these brewers produce are some of the best beers you can buy. Go get yourself a variety case and find a bad beer. You can't.
When do I reach for a premium beer? Every morning. Kidding!!! Happy hours.

1 ) Belgium Ales. Far and away my favorite type of beer. Very strong, sometimes fruity, sometimes sour. Always excellent. Chimay, Ommegang, and Duvel. Just to name a few of the most popular brands. This section deserves its own section. Did I mention I went to Belgium to watch Cyclocross and drink their beers? Grab yourself a Belgium Ale and expand your mind, because these beers will slap you out of your beer rut!
When do I reach for a Belgium Ale? Unfortunately they are strong enough and expensive enough that they cannot always be reached for. But when you are surrounded by fellow belgium ale lovers, there is rarely anything better.

Honorable Mentions:
I am giving an honorable mention to a drink near and dear to my heart. Stoli and Red Bull. You want to live fast and feel like you are going to die quicker? Drink these all night! Three words . . . . Vegas baby, Vegas.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Sure to be losing my mind . . .

After contemplating putting up a blog post about how I've been trying to grow facial hair for the last week, I decided it is time to get back to the basics. The basics being cycling. Unfortunately, the weather doesn't want to cooperate.

The first cycling race of the season was going to be Saturday, the Strasburg Road Race ™ ! A 5.5 mile circuit to be done 4 times. 22 miles of Category 5 road race excitement. Strap on your safety belts because this could get sketchy. There is a little hill right at the start along with a little decent as the circuit continues.

The weather called for snow and ice Friday, and it devilvered. I got the cyclo-cross bike all lubed up and ready go. I figured the wider tires would have given me a tacticle advantage in the race to be the last one to crash on the ice covered roads. Fortunately, the promoter decided to post pone the race till next week. Which works fine with me, because Saturday's high was 38 degrees and my naughty bits don't enjoy being frost bitten.

The other downside to all this crap weather. I am back on the indoor trainer. After getting outside and riding for 2 hours on a week day (last Tuesday was 65 degrees), the cycling trainer tortures my mind. Its better than dying while riding in the middle of the road.

Next weekend the first road race kids of the season goes down!!! It is time to get pumped.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Explaining the Obvious

So, the challenge was thrown down. Now I need to explain the obvious, so we can get on with blogging about cycling and how fat I am.

I was once asked what the title of this blog meant. I wish I was making that up, but it really did happen. So without further explanation here we go . .

I was sitting at my desk one April afternoon, and I decided I needed to start blogging. Having heard of Blogger, I figured it was just as good as any blog site. Plus it is run by Google, so I figured it had all the goodness Google is know for.

I started filling out the form online, and then I came across the page where it asked me what I wanted my subdomain name to be. . . . in other words http:/( fill in the blank ) I had to fill in the blank. This seemed like a very important decision. It had to be something that adequately described what one might find on my blog, yet also leave some mystery so people were encouraged to visit. This decision might take some time. So, I go where any man goes to think clearly . . . .

The bathroom!!!

After spending some quality time debating my options. I finish my business in the bathroom. I wash up and turn the light and fan off as I leave. Then in that instant . . . . sniff, sniff . . . . wait a second I better Leave The Fan On. And a blog was born.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

If adulthood were a class . .

Quick story before the post. I'm in a ski shop last Friday. This girl I know (knew) turns to me and says, "Hey Snake!!!". I reply, "Hi, my real name is Charles." To which she replies with what might very well be the most homosexual statement anyone has ever said to me . . .

"But your friend Bubba calls you Snake, right?"

Me: "yes."

Ok, now that I got that off my chest on with the post. Did you realize that your weekend was only 47 hours?!?! I want my hour back, and I don't want to have to wait till the fall to get it. Why should my weekend have to suffer?

What is even worse? I don't know where you live but here in Devon, PA, it is going to be sunny and 65 degrees (F). Thats right kids?! Perfect cycling weather. Throw a few water bottles on the bike and go ride!!! That is pretty much all my mind can think about right now. I don't want to drive to work and sit inside a blue cubicle wondering about all the fun I could be having. I figure when I'm done riding I could cook some barbeque and then take a nap. It would be great way to spend the day.

What am I getting at? I am almost positive that if adulthood were a class I would be getting a "D". I'm not failing, cause I do have a job and all that good stuff. But all my thoughts constantly subvert what every normal person would consider success in adulthood. I have never grown up enough to just suck it up and go work without thinking that there are much more enjoyable ways to spend my day. Everyone else I see has no problem going to work and ignoring the absolute beautiful weather outside. How is it possible that I am the only one?

Friday, March 09, 2007

More Random Notes

Well that last post involved more idiocy than anything. And this post is going to be complete random crap that is not neccesarily tied to anything. Don't worry someday this blog will have a purpose. . . .

Random Crap #1) I'm trying to set up a more legit blog through private hosting yada yada yada . . . but apparently the hosting company I chose didn't want to set things up at 12 at night. Go figure? Last time I checked computers were really good at automating things and doing tasks at odd hours of the night when no one is really up. Shit, they don't even complain about it. But what do I know? I figure there might be some problems with browsers not behaving properly depending on how the DNS servers update across the country. Leave The Fan On readers are all over baby!!!

Random Crap #2)Want to improve your mood while going to work. Listen to one of your all time favorite albums on the drive in. An album where you know almost every word to every song, or at least think you do. Choose one of those albums. I have a nice half hour commute. I listened to Pavement's Brighten The Corners album today. Wow. I almost didn't mind walking into the building.

Random Crap #3)Only a few readers of this blog will know the signifigance of this event. A little back story for the others. I bought a condo 4 years ago this April. The kitchen faucet has not worked properly for almost 2 of those years. It was really funny at first. There was a small hole at the bottom of the faucet so when you turn it on water sprays all over the user. It was a cheap laugh at another's expense. However the hole slowly got worse. More or less making the faucet unuseable. This of course gets mildly embarassing when you invite people over and forget that your faucet doesn't work. You may wonder how you forget such a thing. "Forget" maybe the wrong word. I think I just got used to it and so it didn't occur to me as being a problem. (That last sentence can be attributed to a lot of things.)

Random Crap #4)If my fitness for the week was the stock market then the stock market would be down. I just didn't get the workouts in I wanted. Between work and being tired from efforts this weekend, I didn't have it in me. However, I was invited cross country skiing this weekend. Hopefully I don't drink so much that my fitness gains are none.

Random Crap #5)I am currently trying to bring back the Penny Loafer. I'm not talking about rocking Penny Loafers with pleated kahki dockers and a polo shirt. Cause if I was than you would have my permission to kick my ass. I'm talking about rocking Penny Loafers with a decent pair of denim jeans and no socks. Make sure you stick some shiny pennies in those shoes too.

Thursday, March 08, 2007


Whatup kids? The house of leave the fan on is under going a face lift. I hope this doesn't affect things for more than a few days. Unfortunately if I will be out of town this weekend to undo the maddness I am about to create. Bear with me, in a week, more blogging greatness. I promise.

Work and Working Out

How is everybody doing? Is it me or this the longest week ever? I needed two beers just to get me through Tuesday, but thats me.

I've noticed a pattern in my workouts lately. If I have a productive day at work where I feel I got somethings done and progress on whatever project I happen to be working on has been made, I can come home and do an awesome workout no problem.

On the other hand, if my day at work was incredibily frustrating the chances of me getting in a workout at all are minimal at best. For instance, yesterday I did not hop on my bike till 9pm because it took me a few hours to get work out of my system. I still managed a little badass workout for 9 pm, but still it would have been nice to get it done by 9pm. (The workout was 40 minutes in zone 2, which I figure for me is somewhere around a 160 heartrate. I finished up with some work on the rollers to make the workout a good 90 minutes.)

Years ago, I used to be really good at separating work and fitness. I would roll home from work, hop on the bike. One would not affect the other. Do I care more now about work? Do I care less about my fitness? I don't think either of those is the case. Maybe I'm just suffering from an early onset of male menopause at the old age 28.

The solution maybe as simple as working out in the morning before work. Call it a pre-emptive strike on my fitness! or perhaps I make it my mission to get home from work and know exactly what I'm doing fitness-wise. Become a man on a mission when I get home. (Early morning exercise isnt really my bag.)

Some of you maybe wondering when am I going to race, because the first races of the season are this weekend. Well good news for you kids, my first race is next weekend! more on that after the break.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Show Me the Money

I got a new addiction . . . . Trail Mix. I can't get enough of it. Almonds, Walnuts, Cashews, Cranberries. Hmmm . . So good. I'm getting fat like a squirrel in the winter off that stuff.

So, in case all you kids haven't heard, the Mega Millions Jackpot is up to 337 million dollars. Thats right!!! You know that I got in on that. A couple of co-workers and I decided to team up our bills and buy a bunch of tickets. So tomorrow I fully expect to be approximately 14.7 million dollars richer after taxes. Don't worry, I'll keep blogging. In case you haven't noticed this blog doesn't exactly pay the bills in anyway whatsoever.

There is new motivational book called The Secret which is all about focusing energy towards what you want through wishing it to be and visualizing it. It could also be known as the Laws of Attraction. (or so thats what the T.V. told me it was about). I figure we can try that on a giant scale.

Anyone who reads this tonight, I want you to envision me winning one tenth of 337 million dollars for at least 10 minutes tonight. If you do that, I'm sure that the power of millions (or more like half a dozen) people imagining me winning 337 million dollars will make it come true. Now how good would you feel about me winning all that cash. And with all that cash, imagine how much trail mix, I could buy. A whole lot of trail mix. yummy.

I found a new blog today that I absolutely fell in love with . . . It is blog awesomeness. Especially the Slacker at Work section. Priceless.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Someone pass me a doughnut

Everyone glad to be back at work? Lets leave it at that . . . .

I made good on my goal of 7 hours of riding this weekend. I'm sure you were all at that edge of your seats. I did 50 miles on Saturday and 65 miles on Sunday. Boohay!!!

I got back from the my ride on Sunday and decided to hop on a scale. It said 160 lbs. I concluded that the scale was light by (at least) 10 lbs. I'm not that skinny (yet).

Although that has got me thinking. I eat a ton while on the bike. In fact, I am almost certain that I eat a lot more than anyone else I ride with while eating. During both of t rides this weekend, I drank 275 calories of lemon lime gatorade and ate 2 clif bars. I don't see anyone else that I ride with scarfing down food like a starving man. What is my problem?

Worst of all, I don't see any solution to this. You want to climb that hill; you have got to put some fuel in the tank. My machine don't run on air. I need sugar!!! Lots and lots of sugar!!!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Case of the Itches

I gotta say "Yo" to anyone visiting this blog from the DrunkCyclist (Not that safe for you working folks wait till you are home with the kids to visit). This blog really isn't anywhere near as cool as what Big Jonny's got going on, but you are welcome to read. I got some pics from Cross Worlds. All right, now that everyone feels at home, on to the post . . .

I've got a case of the itches so bad, my itches have itches. What kind of itches are they . . .

1) Gots to buy a bike!!! why? First of all if you are the kind of person to think "Why should I buy a bike?" Perhaps you should find another blog to read. (may I suggest Don't Date Him Girl cause that is the kind of lame blog you would be into if you ask this question.)

My TT bike is an 11 year old Cannondale with 650 wheels. It got me through an Ironman, but its time to put it out to pasture. I'm hoping to turn it into a single speed once I get a replacement. Cervelo makes some very nice potential replacements. Used bikes are nice too. They tend to cost less.

2) Vegas Baby Vegas. I got go to Vegas. Vegas rocks!!! If you have never been, go. It doesn't matter what you are into, cause Vegas has it. Reading about the NBA Allstar game in Vegas gave me this itch. Unfortunately, this directly conflicts with the financial plan of buying a bike. VEGAS!!!

I was in the Mandalay Bay a year ago. It was fantastic. I think I need to stop talking about it or I might start crying tears of joy.

3) Swimming. If anything is really making me itch it is this. Chlorine is a killer. It kills my beautiful long locks of hair. It drys my skin to the point of pain, but I love swimming. It is a good thing that I love swimming too, cause getting in shape for the 4.4 mile Chesapeake Bay Swim requires lots of pool time. My fitness isn't quiet their for the 4.4 mile swim, but I have till June 10th. No worries.

4) Cycling. All I seem to be doing these days is riding my bike. This of course is a good thing. The weather is supposed to be in the upper 40's this weekend!!! WHAT!?!?! I want to get 7 hours on the bike this weekend cause the cycling trainer got old 2 weeks ago. I look forward to riding my rollers to break up the workout. You know that things are bad when I enjoy riding rollers. So what are you doing reading this blog still . . . . go ride!!!

5) The weekend. I got the weekend itch bad. . . . someone get me a beer.